Leadership Connectors - Safety (Ch. 3)

For this post, I decided to dig into my past a little and expose a painful memory...

For most of my career, I have felt nothing but supported by my supervisors and administrators.  But as I read this chapter, I couldn't help but think of a situation I had experienced in the classroom.  This involved a parent who was known for "bullying" staff members.  This is the same parent that commonly marched into the office to try to manipulate administration.  After being "verbally attacked" by the parent twice, once in the classroom and the other in the principal's office with the principal present, I decided to write an email to my administrator expressing my concerns and distress... here is an excerpt of my letter:

"I was deeply disappointed by the way the meeting with __________ was handled. She claimed that she asked for this meeting on Monday, but I wasn't given any notice (esp. after a FULL day of meetings - leadership and PLC) or prior warning as to what her new accusations were going to be. This is the second time that I felt verbally attacked and violated by the same parent. I felt that my control was taken away and I was put on the spot... left to defend myself in front of an irrational parent who had six days to plan what she was going to say. She was allowed to be extremely inappropriate and took things to a degrading and personal level - questioning my integrity as a professional and suggesting that I bully and manipulate students. I do not care to rehash what she said, but I do think it is a problem that she was allowed to get away with saying the things she said to me with a "mediator" present. I know you tried to step in a few times, but I do not feel you stood up or supported me during our meeting. When she stated that I can't handle my own issues and that it is ridiculous that I need you to be my "buffer" to solve problems, I would have liked you to step in and make it clear that this should be protocol for ANY of the staff members at ____. I am worried that she will CONTINUE to do this to other staff members if/when she gets the chance. She learned that she can get away with accusing (without specific details and evidence using only blanket statements and personal projections) teachers and berating them with or without a principal present. After she left, you tried to console me and said some nice things about what I do in the classroom and how I positively impact kids. I think it would've made more of an impact if you had said those things with the parent in the room so that she knows that I AM indeed a valued staff member who should not be treated in such a manner.

I do not mind listening to parent concerns (and I know sometimes I take them very personally - at least at first). I know this comes with the territory. But I refuse to be treated this way and do not want my colleagues to experience the same disrespect. I would like to know how we are going to change protocol for parent "meetings" or other situations that arise with irrational parents. This is a safety concern and it should be addressed like any other hazard, safety issue, or lockdown drill. I would also like parents to be reminded (and reprimanded) if they do not check into the office before they walk on campus. I also need more than a minute's notice to collect my thoughts and gather my composure before meeting with anyone.

Right now, resolving these concerns is way more important than getting that online gradebook set up. You asked me to be honest, and I think I have adequately expressed my concerns and suggestions for continued support at the current time. My goal is NOT to change _________'s mind. It is to establish a consistent and reliable schoolwide accountability system that will help prevent these kinds of conflict from reoccurring or happening at our "bully-free" school and community."

Chapter Three explains that everyone needs to feel physically, emotionally, and psychologically safe in order to shift our energy from basic survival needs to complex thinking and reflecting... and of course, focus on what's most important in schools... student learning.  The above situation captures one of the most important lessons that I learned while teaching.  Safety is indeed a fundamental leadership connector.  I believe it is the principal's responsibility to create and maintain a "bully-free" zone for students, staff members, AND parents.

Leadership Connectors - Support (Ch. 2)

"Leadership offers an opportunity to make a difference in someone's life, no matter what the project."
-Bill Owens
 
Support is a basic need.  It communicates value, care, connectedness, and protection.  It also helps build and strengthen relationships.  It takes good communication skills, visibility, knowledge about budgeting, trusted peers and advisors, and a constant "finger on the pulse" to determine the kind of support that is needed at any given time (whether it be financial, emotional, material, physical, human, or moral).

This chapter allowed me to reflect on my experiences and expectations as a Curriculum Support Provider.  Although my job can sometimes be viewed as a "Vice Principal" role, providing support is my number one priority.  When I first arrived at my new school, I didn't know what to expect and didn't have a clear understanding of what my day-to-day routine would look like.  My administrator outlined his overall expectations.  He asked me to keep a "finger on the pulse" and to be as visible as possible.  In fact, my job changes every day as new needs and priorities surface.  On most days, I feel a lot like "Tyler, the assistant principal" in the "What Can I Get For You?" section of Chapter 2.  I can't walk from Point A to Point B without checking in, saying hello, or following up with a staff member, student, or parent.  I have tried to build trust and credibility by being visible, available, and approachable at all times.  I have also made it a priority to learn and greet every student on campus by name, especially new students and families.  I am hoping they feel welcome and supported, not only by their teacher, but by the support staff... because ultimately... that's what we're there to do... provide SUPPORT!

Leadership Connectors - Communication (Ch. 1)

Hensley & Burmeister (2009) outline six "leadership connectors" that help develop healthy relationships in schools.  The first connector is communication.  I plan to continue to work on improving my communication skills, both personally and professionally, as I prepare to be a good wife, mother, school leader, and future administrator. 

Below are some highlights and take-home lessons from Chapter 1:

-Oral, written, and nonverbal communication needs to be consistent, sincere, honest, and humble
"Everything you say and do shapes people's opinions and feelings about you..." 

-Saying "thank you" and giving credit to others can help develop a positive tone and culture of respect

-Listening is more important than speaking...

-"Framing" is a powerful tool to achieve a vision and must be used with integrity

-Optimism can turn problems into opportunities...
"You are creating a school focused on illumination, not on missteps in the darkness, a school that names its strengths and tackles its weaknesses without excuses, setting a path to overcome them..."

-Be proactive, rather than reactive

-Building consensus can be a powerful tool for building relationships

-Watch, listen, empathize, and appreciate others!

"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said..." - Marilyn Drucker